Family Letter by Lisa - Summer 2003

Rich & Lisa McDermott
2121 Valderas Dr. #55, Glendale, CA 91208 (818)541-0468


June 9, 2003


Dear Family & Friends;

We recently took these pictures and felt this would be a good opportunity to write and update you on our family. We are just cruising along here in So. Cal. Time passes with ever increasing speed now. Rich’s last year of schooling at USC promises to fly by more quickly than any of the past seven. He will graduate in orthodontics next May.

We aren’t sure where we will settle yet, but later this month Rich will be visiting some orthodontists in Utah to discuss possibilities of practicing with them. We will be sure to tell you where we are going just as soon as we know.

Our boys are growing up so quickly. Parker is 3 (he will turn 4 in September) and already reads. He does math and likes learning languages and loves to do science experiments. He is very much like his dad. He often makes up games. It is surprising how logical yet complex his games can be. The only trouble occurs when he tries to organize these games with other young children. He is still lacking some leadership skills, and other small children don’t always follow his thinking. Parker is sweet and fun. We cherish his loving nature and his ability to verbalize his feelings. He is also the most social 3 year old child around. He is always planning some event. Recently, he informed us that he thought we should “have a beach party with everyone from our big church.” With him, it is always the more the merrier.

Scott is 16 months old and he is an action-adventure boy. He is happiest when he is outside running around. (Mom can’t wait to have a back yard!!!) He is starting to speak some words that are intelligibly English and it’s darling. He has a cute little voice and loves to sing and dance. Scott likes anything physical: tight, squeezy hugs, dancing, running--even down slides, wrestling, tickling, somersaults, swinging, spinning, etc. And he hardly reacts to most falls or bumps. He is very mischievous and VERY lovable. His smiles and laugh are just as infectious and wonderful as his screaming and crying are loud and frustrating.

Rich enjoys orthodontics tremendously. We are grateful he will be in a profession so well suited to him. He likes seeing the great results with his patients who are finishing their treatments right now. Most of his patients are young people who he really enjoys interacting with. It’s rewarding for him to see his patients regularly and develop relationships with them.

To keep things balanced, Rich has other pursuits he works on in his spare time. He has been teaching himself ASL, American Sign Language. Parker likes to ask Dad how to say things in Sign Language or Japanese. Rich plays guitar and sings with his friend and a band. He plays our piano or video games sometimes, and plays with our boys a lot. It’s no wonder they prefer Dad to Mom. It’s all fun and games with Dad. Rich is a great primary teacher and Parker is thrilled to have him as a teacher this year. He only has 3 kids in his class, but that’s because 2 of the boys are very challenging. He has been doing a great job trying to keep them engaged and make the class fun as well.

I am a counselor in our primary presidency and I always enjoy being there with the children. It is fun and challenging to teach them, and we are fortunate to have wonderful teachers right now. We have around 50 kids in our primary so it’s not too difficult to know them individually, at least on some level. Rich and I were also called to be in charge of a ward roadshow this year in November. That’s a daunting task, but we have done it before so hopefully our previous experience will help. We are thinking of doing a take on The Wizard of Oz. Should be fun!

The boys are my main focus and take most of my time and energy, but I am also enjoying some other activities. I have been singing with a local women’s chorus and, with some friends, have helped organize a book club this year. The women’s chorus has performed songs in a nice variety of styles and difficulty. It’s been great! Our book club has been so fun! We meet once a month in the evening at about 8:30 pm. Since most of us have young children, the after bedtime plan seems to work best. We voted on some books to read this year and we take turns hosting the meetings. The hostess always tells some interesting things about the author of the book we are discussing and provides refreshments. We have read some good books so far. This month we are reading Founding Brothers by Joseph J. Ellis. I suggested this as our June book because I thought it would contribute to the patriotic mood of Independence Day if we read this before the 4th. I also try to get to the YMCA to exercise regularly. It takes strength and endurance to keep up with my little boys. I really feel the difference when I don’t get there regularly.

Thanks for enduring my verbosity. We always love to hear from you and we keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Please don’t be strangers; let us know how you’re doing too.

Sincerely,

The McDermotts
Lisa, Rich, Parker & Scott

Ortho School Started

Media_http1bpblogspot_pjiff

HI AGAIN!

I think you can tell that I'm starting to find picture
sending very enjoyable. This is a picture of the
three of us at an opening social for my Orthodontic
program. Parker is almost two years old in this shot.
He doesn't look as good as he did in another picture
on the same day, but since Lisa and I look better in
this shot I'm going to have to send his non smiling
face.

Love ya'll!

Rich & the McDs

Email Sent at the beginning of my 4th year in Dental School @ USC

Hi all!

We're doing great down here in L.A., although it's
been cooking outside for the past week. Two weeks ago
we flew out to the east coast to check out a few
orthodontic schools. The first school we went to was
Eastman, which just happened to be in Rochester (20
miles away from Palmyra). Visiting the church sites
there was a very powerful experience for us both. One
evening we drove out to the Smith Log home just to be
on the property again. When one of the couple
missionaries saw us by the home he came out and let us
take a private tour and then spend as much time as we
wanted to in the home. I went upstairs in the
(rebuilt) room where Moroni visited Joseph Smith while
Lisa and Parker were downstairs with the missionary.
What a Great feeling to feel witness that this amazing
gospel is true, and that it all began in that room and
in the sacred grove right behind the home. As we
opened the back door to the home and stood on the back
stairs and viewed the grove some 50 ft. away the
missionary quoted Joseph's account of the first
vision. Zap! The Spirit was there so strongly that
it still hasn't worn off.

Our visit to the Martin Harris home was also neat
because my great-great-great-great-(great?)Grandpa was
Emer Harris, Martin's brother, who lived next door.
What a wacky thought that my family goes all the way
back to PALMYRA!!! I never really dawned on me until
I called my Dad the first night and he told me where
Emer's home was.

Our trip took us to other amazing places - Colonial
Willamsburg and Mount Vernon (Washington's home) in
Virginia, and the Smithsonian & The Mall in D.C.
Parker was a good little traveler, and seems to have
grown into a toddler while we were there.

Just now as I was typing he just walked across the
living room floor. He will be one on September 24th.
The kid looks so much older than his age because he's
so tall. He measures 30 inches. We did a date with
the Sadowski's last night to Westwood where Parker was
catching everyone's attention from his stroller. His
a super happy kid in public, or anytime he has the
attention of someone. What a surprise, he's social!

He recently started giving kisses. I was afraid with
his first few kisses that he was going to sink his
teeth into my cheek since his mouth was open so wide.
A month ago he gave me a big hug and affectionately
sunk his teeth into my shouler. When I got after him
it almost broke my heart to watch him cry. I could
tell that his feelings were really hurt. I just
hugged him for a long time. It's like he was saying
"Dad, I just wanted to love you. How could you get
mad at me like that?"

Parker is totally Pooh-bear crazy. Yesterday at the
toy store he picked Pooh out of a wall mural that had
30 different famous cartoons. He didn't care about
any of them but Winnie. This morning he talked to the
Pooh-bear on his wall for about 10 minutes before
calling out for us. When we would peak in to his room
he was facing the Pooh-bear wall jabbering away. It's
hilarious.

Well folks. I get a two week break starting next
week, and will be in Utah from August 21st - 26th.
Lisa will come up on the 23rd after work (she still
works Mon-Wed). Give us a call, please! Otherwise we
might show up on your doorstep unexpected.

Our number up there is still 773-7731.

We love getting e-mail, even though we aren't very
good at sending it. Keep in touch!

Love,
Rich and Family

3 weeks after Parker was born - Email to a friend in Utah

Thanks for your warm letter. I was hoping that e-mail
would put me in touch with you again someday. I've
wondered how things have been going for you, and
everything I've ever heard up until this point has
been second hand. I had also hoped that I would be
able to introduce Lisa to you and Steven at the party
last year. As for Thanksgiving this year I'll be up
in Northern California with Lisa's family, but will be
in Utah during the Christmas holiday. Are you guys
going to be around? Hope so.

Well, this little new man in our home has already
changed so much since he was born! Isn't it
incredible? Now when people look at him they
immediately tell me that he looks like me. The scary
part is that they're right. This little guy IS an
angel. Isn't it amazing how you can just look at a
little kid for so long?

Right now Lisa is burping him on the bed by me. A
minute ago he stretched his little limbs out and then
filled his diaper with a single "WHUMPFFF!" A week
ago I held him on my lamp and asked him to make a
noise if he wanted to have Richard as his middle name.
He was silent. Then I asked him if he wanted to have
Scott as his middle name (no response again). Then I
said "Parker, make a noise if you care!" Not a second
passed before his diaper answered "WHUMPFFFF!" Parker
cares.

In school I'm in my Junior year of dental school. That
gives me 18 months until I'm free! I would have been
out in 6 more months, but I opted for an additional
year in order to get into a new program. In a
nutshell, the program is ideal for people who are
thinking about specializing because there are only 12
people in each class, and the students have more
control over what they learn and how fast they learn
it. Lisa has been working at USC since we came down
here, which made it easier to have 1 more year of
school because it cut my tuition in half.

Oh, and now for a little digression that you may
already know about. Todd Sadowski got into the same
program as me for class of 2003! And even more
amazing is that his wife, Luana, got a job in the same
office as my wife! Those two must be paying their
tithing because everything just fell together
perfectly for them financially when they came down
here. In fact, I had a feeling one night that I
should try to see if he was down here yet, and when I
reached his father up in Utah, he told me that Todd
was on the other line in L.A.. When I called a few
minutes later he told me that he had just driven in
that hour. It was that night that we told Luana that
there was a new opening in her office and they wanted
someone who had a spouse going to school at USC.

Anyway, having Todd as well as two other BYU graduates
in the 2003 class of my program has been really nice
for me. You see, I'm the only white boy in my class
of 12. Everyone else is either Asian or Persian by
birth. Until we had Parker we went out with them and
several other couples almost weekly. Thank goodness I
finally have some guy friends down here!

I really enjoy school, and it's a good thing because
if I get in to Ortho. I will have another 3 years.

We will most likely settle in Syracuse, Utah (just
west of Layton) My family moved there about a year
ago. Lisa and I really like the small town feeling.
If I don't get in to Ortho. right away I'll probably
work for a Dentist in Syracuse for a few years and
apply again.

Well, I've written you an essay. No pressure. I just
have a lot to tell you. Short letters are much better
than no letters you know :) Don't be a stranger now,
hear?

Take care!

Tons of Love,
Rich & Family

Relationship Philosophy Letter (written to a frustrated BYU resident)

Just thought I'd drop you a quick note since it's my lunch break and
we have an unfinished conversation. I don't know if I can write it
all today, but I'll start.

I should first of all tell you that I learned many of the things I'm
going to tell you from my own mistakes and successes. Mostly
mistakes. I wish somebody had told me a few of these things early on.

First of all, I told you last night the advice that helped me get
Lisa. It also helped me through several other sticky
semi-relationships that weren't meant to be, and it would have helped
me a TON if I had learned it earlier; to never, never, never push it
and never, never fight it. That's the BEST advice I EVER heard when
it comes to relationships.

When I first met Lisa I was dumb-founded because I thought she was so
perfect for what I wanted. I was scared to ask her out - it took me
half a year to get the guts, but our first date was great, and so were
the next two. I didn't know what she thought about me, but I knew she
didn't have the crush on me that I had on her. At the end of our
third date I told her that I had had a fun time again with her, and
thought I should tell her my philosophy on dating. She was scared to
death of what I might say, but when I told her that I felt like you
should never push a relationship or fight it (with emphasis on the
PUSH). I told her that I was having a good time, and didn't see any
reason to stop having a good time and that's all. That totally took
the pressure off - it also helped me to set my heart in perspective.
After we both agreed that we would follow that philosophy we found
that our friendship grew deep long before our romance ever began.
Lisa, above all, became a best friend. She knew she could trust me.
I didn't try to hold her hand until it just happened. I didn't ever
try to kiss her until NOT kissing her would deny all my feelings AND
hers! At that time it came very naturally. I know from previous
relationships, however, that romance can totally confuse a
relationship that isn't deep in friendship. This brings me to the
definition of "pushing" a relationship can be - starting romance
before friendship. Some of this may apply to guys more than it does
you, but I had several friendships of mine go up in flames because I
wasn't good enough friends before romance started. Make sure
friendship is most important with everyone you know. This isn't
friendship designed to get romance either - it's sincere friendship.
The more friendships you work on, the better you get at this part.
Not just with guys you may have interest in, but with everyone.

There's more, much more, but I have to go to class.

Talk to you later!
Sincerely Your Friend,
Rich

Part II
So we were talking about making friendship the basis of all your
relationships. This is one way of not letting things get ahead of you
emotionally. A classic example for me came when I met a girl at EFY
that seemed to like me ok. I let my interest in her develop into a
really intense crush. During my senior year in high school my crush
grew deeper, despite the fact that I didn't know her very well.
Still, we would go out occasionally, and I knew she was going to go to
BYU the next year. Somehow, unfortunately, my crush grew more intense
than our friendship - so much that I not only stiffled any chance of
our friendship growing into a closer relationship, but I actually hurt
our friendship. If I had let her know early on what I had told Lisa,
that I totally appreciated her FRIENDSHIP - that I valued her as a
FRIEND, I'm sure both of our lives would have been easier. You see,
it became obvious to her that I had really fallen hard for her - and
that wasn't easy for her to take since she didn't really know me THAT
well. It's hard to fall for someone who is way ahead of you
emotionally in the relationship. It scares you. It isn't natural,
and when it's not natural it doesn't work. That's another reason why
you can't "push it". That's another definition of what "pushing it"
can mean. Pushing a relationship into a place it doesn't belong - YET.
Guys and girls like to know that someone is a best friend before they
move further - don't you?
Ok, so enough on the friendship talk for now. Let's move on to
"Don't fight it". You told me you are picky - I understand because I
was picky too. Let me introduce you to a concept that I wish I had
internalized earlier on. Not fighting it applies to both sides of the
relationship. Not fighting it means letting the relationship move
forward when it starts to move forward, without letting little picky
things get in the way. I know that's hard, but little picky things
can prevent you from experiencing some of the greatest relationships.
Again, I need to use personal examples to illustrate this point.
When I came home from my mission I went to Weber for a semester and
met a really cool girl there. We had an absolute blast together every
time we went out. We were friends. We became better friends as time
went on because things were so natural between us. After two months I
was faced with a problem - that I was planning to go back to BYU and
she was not. I spoke with her about my dilemmna, and she listened
like a good friend would. She didn't tell try to push me one way or
the other. Well, long story short I started to fight the
relationship. The worst part about it was that I did much of the
fighting passively by not calling her any longer, or stopping by. It
was not natural and I knew it, but I was AFRAID of being hurt from
leaving her. I was afraid that I would get too close to her and then
not emotionally be albe to go back to BYU, where I had always planned
to be. Basically, I let my head govern my heart, and stop listening
to what my heart had to say. It hurt her, and it hurt me. It was
lame. If you love, you have to be willing to face the hurt. If I had
been willing to face the hurt with her I would have had a good memory
of everything that happened between us, instead of the LAME picture I
left behind. I should tell you that I did my best to fix the damage
done to our friendship after i came to BYU. But notice what got hurt?
Our friendship! If I had been a TRUE friend to her I wouldn't have
been so worried about the pain I would feel. I wouldn't let going to
BYU become a wedge between us. I would have followed the principle
"Don't fight it". I would have spent much more time talking with her
about my feelings, spending time on my own praying and reconsidering
everything on a daily basis instead of trying to PREDETERMINE that our
relationship should not become romantic because of something
peripheral. If the reason you decide not to give a relationship with
someone is based on peripheral stuff (and I'm not talking about things
like whether or not the other person is mormon, or wants a family, or
anything that effects eternity for that matter). I'm talking about
giving a chance to people that you traditionally might not have
because they just aren't tall enough, or cute enough, or rich enough.
You have to trust your own heart and God enough to know that you
aren't going to end up married to someone that you don't belong with.
Your heart will figure it out if it's wrong - I've been there. I've
dated two girls that I prayed with about marriage and recieved the
answer 'NO!' from God. My heart said yes, and my head mostly said yes
until I prayed, then God clearly told me NO. He also told them 'No!",
so we didn't get married. Was I sorry that I had ever dated these
girls and put so much time and energy into the relationship? No way!
I still care about them, and they are my friends for eternity. I made
it clear that their friendship mattered to me, and that I hoped we
would always be friends. It hurt to get out, but I'm so much a better
person for having been with those people. Here is another principle -
that the person you are with right now may not be THE person you are
supposed to be with forever, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't
play an important part of your life. They can become a link in a
chain of people that keep your heart alive. If your heart doesn't
feel pain, it won't feel joy. It your heart doesn't go through a
regular emotional workout, it will atrophy just like anything else
that isn't used. One thing worse than feeling pain from a
relationship that didn't work is feeling nothing. Nothing is LAME!
Nothing is what you feel when you stop caring. You don't get these
heart work-outs just from relationships with guys. You get them when
you volunteer with the different programs you're in. You get them
when you listen to a friend for far longer than you wanted to. You
get them from having charity - but the point is that they lead to
capacity for joy. Alma was able to feel a tremendous amount of joy in
his life, even to the point that he fell to the ground on several
occasions. Why? Because he had felt pain in his heart to level that
it made him fall to the ground.

I always wished that I had allowed myself to feel more pain, because
there was always so much good that came from it than bad. Some people
have a talent for being able to have really deep relationships in
their lives. They get hurt more often, but they also love more
deeply. Moroni tells us to pray for charity, to plead that God will
give us the kind of charity that Christ had. Don't fight it - don't
fight the Spirit when you feel like you should do something that might
put your in a position that you could get hurt in. Don't fight your
heart when it tells you something a little different than your head,
especially if the Spirit is part of what is talking to your heart.
Things will work out for the best.
I'm sure you've already been doing much of what I'm talking to you
about. I'm sure that much of your "pickyness" has come from the fact
that you are able to identify people who interest you quickly, and
also identify people that would never work for you through little
things. Don't always trust them though. They can fool you. IF I had
known certain things about Lisa before I had fallen completely for
her, I may have been a dork and started fighting the whole thing.
Thank goodness I didn't know them! Thank goodness!

Ok, I need to go back to class I think, but next time I'll try to pick
up where I left off.

I'm having fun writing all this stuff because it's been in my head for
so long, but never on paper. I keep a copy for myself of course.

Hope it's helpful and interesting for you!

Sincerely,
Rich


"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in
other people than you can in two years by trying to get people
interested in you."
-Dale Carnegie

"The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in
him than he is in a woman - any woman - with beautiful legs." -
Marlene Dietrich

"The first general rule for friendship is to be a friend, to be open,
natural, interested: the second rule is to take time for friendship.
Friendship, after all, is what life is finally about. Everything
material and professional exists in the end for persons." - Nels F.
S. Ferre

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a
person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to
pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing
that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth
keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
- George Eliot